Saturday, August 21, 2010

The School's Trees: Midnight (Week of Tears, Part 3)

Suffice to say Tomoya isn't down and out yet.

And neither was I. Even though I couldn't answer the question I couldn't give up. A part of me still fought on, silently defiant of fate, wanting Okazaki to be happy while the rest of me wondered why the hell this series even tried anymore. They'd already broken Tomoya, so why torment him any further? Why not just let him accept fate?

Oh, you bastards.....!

That's it!  I thought. I've had enough of this bullshit! They went and introduced her of all people?? The one person who we all know is gonna die? No, I'm not gonna get attached. I'm not gonna...

Fuuuuuuuck! He's trying again. Why? Why do this to yourself, Tomoya? You know it's just as useless as I do. There's no point, Tomoya, there's no-

She forgave him. A little child went and did the one thing that no one else in this show could do. She just did...

I wish I could have words. I want to. I want to tell you what I felt, what this means for Tomoya, what this means to the story, what this-

But there's no point, is there? You already know. 

And so silence is the best treatment.

From here on out I couldn't keep my eyes dry. It was impossible. Even though that nagging fog-horn in my head kept announcing Ushio's death I kept watching, unable to tear myself away from the redemption of Tomoya. I couldn't stop watching the final meeting with Tomoya's father, Fuko waking up, Kyou returning, Ushio quickly becoming my favorite character of the whole damn series. None of it was avoidable. But the whole time I knew.

I knew.

I knew.

And yet I couldn't stop.

The question still hadn't been answered. If anything, it'd been exacerbated. Why is it worth living if we die in the end? At every corner it confronted me, and instead of answering the question they let Ushio die. It was too much.

"Fucking bastards!" I took my sandal off, chucked it at Marty's computer screen, and broke down.

But when I looked up I saw something funny. Marty was smiling through his tears.

Something was up.

But what? Where was the punchline in this tragedy? How in the world could they make this a happy ending?

And that's when I remembered the lights...

A thanks to Clannad Central for putting up these videos, as well as the poor person I stole the image from off the web. Thanks for making this page what it is.

Please pray for the soul of my grandmother, Gloria. She died two dies ago, in a hospital in Philadelphia. I'll be going to the funeral next week, so there'll be no blog post from me, since I'll be driving there and back again.

I didn't know my grandmother terribly well. I moved all the time when I was younger, and so I couldn't get to know her. But what I did see I loved. Grandma was the strongest and sweetest woman I'd ever known, able to turn from stubborn to caring at the drop of a dime. She made sure that everyone was always taken care of, and to this day I don't think she ever forgot a birthday of mine, or anyone else's. Even when she contracted Parkinson's Disease her care for her family didn't diminish, as she fought for 15+ years to hold onto whatever ability she had left. When my grandfather died at the beginning of this year, she started to do better, and I hoped that I would be able to see her one more time. Alas, it was not to be. Earlier on this week she grew mysteriously ill and passed away, after putting up a fight that lasted two and a half days. I ask for your prayers, and thank you for the ones that you have already given. I hope to see her again some day.

Because in my mind she isn't dead.

She's home with Grandpa.

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